


If Only

by Disney_Dreamer43



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Ben Solo Doesn't Turn to the Dark Side, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, First Kiss, First Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond, Growing Up Together, Implied Master/Padawan Relationship(s), Jedi Academy AU, Jedi Ben Solo (eventually), Jedi Temple, Jedi Training, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), No Smut Untill Adulthood, Padawan, Padawan AU, Padawan Ben Solo, Padawan Rey, Rey... Stop staring please!, Slow Burn, Snoke is an ass (well, Young Ben Solo, Young Rey, no surptise here xD)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-08
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-06-07 07:17:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15213980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disney_Dreamer43/pseuds/Disney_Dreamer43
Summary: “I'm Rey,” she held her little hand out to Ben enthusiastically, still lying on the grass and looking up at him.There was such a powerful stream of Light coming from the girl that Ben simply couldn't ignore her. Rey's signature in the Force was colossal. And how did he manage to miss her approach?He squeezed her tiny hand warily. “I'm Ben.”----------Or... How would things turn out if teen Ben met young Rey at Luke's Jedi Academy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Actually, I wanted to write a Padawan AU story since my very first day in Reylo fandom. And now I'm planning to bring my idea to life (at last! xD), so I hope you'll enjoy!
> 
> Also this work was inspired by amazing Padawan AU Comic (Ben and Rey's acquaintance in the first chapter is based exactly on that comic)
> 
> Here it is: https://youtu.be/UTiLxOr9zMk

“Ben? Are you still with us?”

The image doubled in the eyes of sleepy padawan. There was a gentle, soothing voice on the background, it echoed off Ben's mind almost inaudibly. What was that voice trying to explain to him and to the rest of the class? Ben Solo didn't know. All of a sudden his eyelids felt unbearably heavy, and transparisteel surface of his desk appeared to be suspiciously soft. The figure of his master no longer seemed so clear. Now it was more of a white silhouette... and this silhouette turned out to be standing exactly in front of him.

“Ben?”

The voice became sterner. Ben blinked a few times and tried to drive the drowsy haze away from his eyes. Mysterious light silhouette started to take a familiar shape.

“BEN!”

“Ah?” The dark-haired padawan had finally returned to reality. The class was filled with unkind chuckles.

 _When did he manage to doze off?_ And, more importantly, _what did his uncle want from him?_

“I'm sorry. What did you say?” The chuckles intensified. Ben's ears had turned bright red.

Luke tried to hide the dissatisfaction in his voice. “I asked you, who was the Supreme Chancellor at the beginning of the Naboo Crisis?”

“Finis Valorum,” Ben snapped immediately. History had always been one of his strong sides.

The face expression of his teacher — and concurrently uncle — had slightly softened. Luke nodded approvingly and continued the lecture, not wanting to focus on the incident. For this, Ben was grateful to him. But the laughter, albeit now considerably calmed down, hadn't stopped.

_What a loser!_

Elroy Sankard's face broke into a nasty smile.

 _Of course._ This one would never miss a chance to make fun of you. Especially if you are Ben Solo.

Ben could feel that scornful gaze with his back. But, for the first time since he could remember, there was no strength left for anger. He hadn't been sleeping for almost three days. Ever since Ben arrived at the Jedi Academy a month ago, his nightmares had intensified. All he could think about now was that creepy voice which had been haunting him in his dreams and driving him crazy every night. Elroy and his friends were the least of the problems.

Ben's eyelids stuck together. He _needed_ to meditate. Urgently. And it doesn't matter he would miss the dinner. It doesn't matter Elroy and his gang would have a new reason to belittle him. The main thing was that he must survive this lesson, get out of this doshin' class and—

“Ignore them,” the voice came from another side of the desk, “they'll make some noise and forget.”

“You say this every time. _They'll make some noise and forget._ Yeah. Until I screw up again.”

Ben's deskmate rolled her eyes and smiled wearily.

Liana was the only person Ben rightfully considered his friend. At times it seemed like the heart of this small twi'lek was actually made of gold. The only problem was that, unlike him, she was an important part of the class — she had her own group of friends, her own place at the dining table in the cafeteria. Surely Ben could exchange a few words with her during their theoretical lessons, like history or basics of the Force, but Kwath knows that was not enough.

After a long pause, Liana shrugged. “All the same, your lightsaber fight skills are way better than theirs.”

This remark made Ben genuinely smile. For the first time in a week? Maybe in two weeks? He could not remember. “Well, it's nice to know I'm not _that_ worthless.”

***

“Back into Morpheus' arms, big ears Ben?”

A small glade covered with pinkish-emerald fragrant grass was filled with Sankard's and his devoted company mocking laughter. And, judging by the fact they had returned back from dinner, Ben had been sitting here in vain attempts of finding the inner peace for at least half an hour.

“It's called meditation!”

Of course, Ben was aware that one should not pay attention to such stuff since the reaction would only provoke those bantha heads — his uncle told him all about it — but he just couldn't help himself. Anger and resentment were those emotions he had long ago forgotten how to restrain. When you sleep three hours a day (if you're lucky, of course) and wake up from another nightmare, covered in a cold sweat, your nervous system won't thank you.

Fortunately, Elroy was clearly not in the mood to continue his mocking today, so after releasing another caustic comment about the size of Ben's ears the brown-haired boy and his three friends headed toward the exit from the garden, never stopping to scoff.

 _Probably were just passing by._ Ben threw a light-gray hood of his padawan robe over his head. Only a lazy person hadn't yet mocked _this_ detail of his appearance. Against the background of his prominent ears, even his disproportionately long limbs didn't seem to be such a strange feature. But what could he possibly do? It wasn't his fault that by good fortune he got the recessive gene of his great-grandfather.

“I like your ears!”

Ben gasped in surprise. A little girl stretched out on the grass behind him.

_When did she manage to appear?_

“R-really?”

“Yeah.” She continued to look at him, her head thrown back. The smile on her face didn't seem derisive at all.

Communication had always been something far away from Ben. But communication with children... something beyond his world outlook. Since the moment he arrived at the academy he preferred to ignore all the younglings. Something particularly unsociable awakened within him and hovered over his head with a dark cloud every time a younger student approached him. And now, when one of those tiny creatures was nearby and, additionally, complimented him, Ben was seriously confused.

The girl obviously didn't share his feeling of anxiety.

“I'm Rey,” she held her little hand out to Ben enthusiastically, still lying on the grass and looking up at him.

There was such a powerful stream of Light coming from the girl that Ben simply couldn't ignore her. Rey's signature in the Force was colossal. And how did he manage to miss her approach?

He squeezed her tiny hand warily. “I'm Ben.”

“I know. You're master Luke's nephew.”

_Oh, right. Of course, she knows._

There was an awkward silence. Ben continued to sincerely hope that the girl would soon lose interest in him and leave, and he would finally be able to sigh with relief. Although this youngling seemed much more benevolent and, to Ben's sudden surprise, much younger than those he had seen before, the feeling of discomfort and some inexplicable awkwardness at the sight of the child didn't leave him.

When Rey finally got up from the ground and began to shake the sticky grass off her tunic, Ben was ready to exhale in relief. But her next question caught him off guard.

“Can I meditate with you?”

Older padawan's eyes had visibly widened. Ben was never good at concealing emotions but right in that moment he didn't even try to hide his utter amazement.

“Meditate? With me?” He arched his brow.

The girl shook her head positively forcing her three bizarre chestnut buns to bounce amusingly. _What a weird hairstyle._

“You know how to?”

“No.” The tiny thing smiled radiantly, revealing her front teeth — two of them were missing. 

Her childishly illogical train of thought made Ben chuckle. Still, his plans didn't include extracurricular activities with youngling, so he made an attempt to hush the topic up.

“Meditation takes time. Aren't you afraid your friends will start looking for you?”

“No, they won't.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I...” her chubby cheeks twitched slightly, “I have no friends.”

“Oh. And what about your roommates?”

The smile began to slowly evaporate from Rey's face. She bit her lower lip guiltily. It was only now that Ben realized he had apparently touched a vulnerable topic.

“They almost don't talk to me, they think I'm too little.” In a moment, that vigorous, smiling girl started to fade. The corners of Rey's mouth dropped, her eyes began to gradually fill with unnatural luster. Ben wished the ground would've opened under him (for the second time this day). The sight of glistening hazel eyes made his heart sank. He ruined everything again. _Nothing new here, though._

However, what would he lose? He had already skipped the dinner. The classes were over for today. His training session with Luke would start only in a couple of hours, in the late afternoon. So...

_What was the girl's name again?_

“Rey?” The little one turned her gaze to the older padawan, there was a spark of hope in her shiny eyes. “Well then, if you have time...”

Ben patted the grass beside him.

He didn't have to repeat twice. The next second this little rocket was sitting in the indicated place, mirroring the posture of her newly acquired mentor.

“Do you have classes yet?”

“Well,” she bit her lower lip again. It seems like this gesture could now be considered her little bad habit. “I _attend_ older students' classes... but so far I'm just a listener. Master Luke says that next year he will put me in the Junior group and I'll be studying with everyone else.”

So, he was right. Rey was indeed younger than the kids he had seen here before.

“Then how old are you?”

“I'm five.” Sitting in the lotus position little fidget was rocking back and forth. It was obviously hard for her to sit still.

“Didn't your parents send you here a little earlier than necessary? I thought un— master Luke only accepts students from the age of seven.”

“Master Luke brought me here himself,” she frowned, as if trying to recall something very important. “But my parents will visit me soon!”

She continued to babble something about her parents. However, Ben wasn't listening anymore. Rey's previous words echoed in his mind.

“Wa— Wait a minute! Master Luke brought you here _himself_? And your parents let you go? With a stranger? Just like that?”

“No, not with a stranger. Master Luke introduced himself.” Rey obviously didn't understand the absurdity of the situation. Besides, she was clearly unsatisfied with the fact that Ben interrupted her storytelling. So this time he decided not to push.

It's better to change the subject.

“Okay, meditation is clearly not your thing.” Rey's rocking made Ben feel dizzy. He put his hand on girl's back to steady her. “How about edible/inedible?”

Her eyes lit up with a genuine excitement and, before he could blink, Rey rushed to the temple to bring the ball.

If it was due to his half an hour attempt of finding the inner peace, or due to the communication with that Light girl — Ben had no idea. But he had never ever felt greater inflow of energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Jedi Temple (full image)](https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/9/95/SWCL_Jedi_Temple.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20071123221243)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> [Jedi Temple (image zoom)](http://swatb.ru/files/sw/5/bespin/10/36.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
> \--------------------
> 
> Leave your opinion in the comments) It's really appreciated!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've finished this chapter in less than a month! It's my personal record! XD

_The dark forest._ It surrounded her from all possible sides. 

Rey winced. The image in front of her eyes was clear as ever, but something just didn't let her concentrate properly. Her head was spinning, the back of her head was pierced with dull pain. 

_Where was she?_

Panic flooded Rey's whole body, its icy waves were overflowing her mind. She couldn't remember how she got there. As far as she knew, Yavin-4 was completely covered with wild jungle. So where did the coniferous forest come from? Moreover, a _snow-covered_ coniferous forest. 

No, she was certainly not on Yavin-4. But where was she then? And, no less important, how did she get here?

Eventually, a feeling of inexplicable anxiety was added to her panic. As if something was missing. As if she'd lost something. Something very important. Something or _someone_.

“Ben?” She made an attempt to call her only friend, but couldn't say a word. Rey's tongue was numb, her words stuck somewhere in her throat. Her body refused to obey, as if it didn't belong to her at all.

_What the kriff was happening?_

“Rey!”

She would have recognized that voice anywhere. But why did it sound so... grown up?

“Ben!” Another attempt to call him failed miserably. So, without spending another second, Rey ran towards the sound. 

But no matter how far she ran, Ben was nowhere to be seen. It seemed like there was no one at all in this forest except of her. Not a single sign of life around.

_Maybe that was just her imagination?_

Rey leaned her back against one of the thick spruces. Her breathing was intermittent, her heart was pounding in her chest, the back of her head was still aching. 

But she was wrong. There definitely _were_ signs of life here. Even more like signs of _struggle_.

 

At the edge of the forest, where Rey had stopped to catch her breath, the snow was visibly scattered, the branches of some trees were broken. The air was saturated with the smell of iron.

A new wave of fear spread throughout girl's body. Adrenaline hit her and, in a moment, her fatigue was gone. 

_Blood_. Part of the edge was covered with _blood_. There was an extensive puddle under the fallen spruce — something was flickering there, something that reminded Rey of master Luke's metal arm — and the crimson-red trail departed from it, as if someone was being dragged. 

“Ben!” she once again made an attempt to call her friend and, not without a surprise, discovered that her voice had finally returned. 

“Stand where you are!”

Rey jumped in surprise but turned around. 

And froze.

There was no trace of snow-covered night forest left. Instead, giant pink corals towered above her head. The bright afternoon sunlight was blinding.

“No outsiders are allowed here,” the stormtrooper’s voice distorted by the helmet. He pointed his blaster directly at Rey. “Name yourself.” 

“I-I just...” But, before she could finish, the image started to float in front of her eyes. The ground began to leave from under her feet. And the next moment, Rey found herself soaring. 

Such a rapid change of events made her feel dizzy. She's definitely gonna be sick.

When the flight palpably came to an end forcing Rey to hit the sand surface with a thud, she was absolutely exhausted, not being able to stand up, or even to open her eyes. 

“Then, what in return?”

“I'm sorry?”

“What will we get in return for you taking away our only daughter?”

Having heard familiar voices, Rey had already been ready to jump to her feet and dash to meet her parents, no matter what was happening. But her body felt numb once more. She wasn't able to move.

“Your daughter will learn how to—”

“No, you’re not understanding the question. I'm not asking what will _she_ learn, I'm asking what will _we_ get in return,” her father insisted. 

Luke was obviously taken aback. “But... what do you want?”

“Well, considering you're taking away our only child,” Rey's father went silent for a minute, “You owe us at least three boxes of good Corellian whiskey.”

“Three?” Her mother's voice was full of indignation. “At least five for the child.”

“Wait a second. Are you _selling_ her to me?!”

“The question is, are you _buying_?”

Rey woke up, unable to suppress a loud sob. Her cheeks were damp from tears.

_When did she start crying?_

“Hush!” Brienne La'ak, one of her roommates, threw her soft toy at Rey. 

“Sorry.”

After a couple of minutes of senseless staring at the ceiling, Rey made an attempt to fall asleep again. She hugged the toy Brienne had thrown at her and began to soundlessly hum the first motive that came to her mind. But it was all in vain. There was just one question in her head.

_What was that?_

Tears began to flow down her cheeks again. She didn't want to cry, but she just couldn't stop. Why? Maybe because of feeling alone. Maybe because of Brienne's indifference. Rey didn't know.

However, she was absolutely certain about two things: firstly, there were only two people in the academy who would always support her, and secondly, she definitely wouldn't wake master Luke in the middle of the night.

***

She didn't have to knock for long. In less than a minute, Ben opened the door. And frankly he didn't produce the impression of a just awakened person at all. Rather, he looked like someone who had just been doused with a bucket of ice water. His wet hair curled more than usual, his eyes were open wide, and his jaw quivered slightly, as if he was about to scream.

“Rey?” His dry, lifeless voice sent shivers down the girl's spine. It seemed like he had been left in the middle of the desert, under the scorching sun, for a whole day. His voice was more like a gnashing of a dehydrated man. “What are you doing here?”

“I—” Rey tried to drive away the thoughts of those poor dehydrated creatures she once saw on Jakku. “I had a bad dream.”

When Ben obviously didn't get where she was going, continuing to silently stand in the doorway, Rey continued, “Can I sleep with you tonight?”

There was no reaction, at first. Then he frowned and turned away staring persistently at something in his room, still silent.

Rey felt uneasy. Maybe she distracted him from something? Maybe he was not alone in there? She couldn't look into the room since Ben had occupied the entire doorway, as if blocking something purposely, thus her feeling of anxiety kept growing.

She already regretted that she had decided to come here.

“Alright.” The abruptly broken silence made the girl flinch, it was a miracle she managed to suppress a scream. Ben stepped aside letting the youngling in. “But master Luke doesn't need to know about this.”

Rey sighed with relief. She shook her head affirmatively and finally stepped into the room. 

The truth was, she _adored_ his room. Ben was the only padawan in the entire academy who had his own room. Some inevitably despised him for this, venting their envy through insults, but Rey was delighted and didn't even try to hide it. Whenever she visited him, she ended up jumping on his bed or running from wall to wall, imitating the sound of a flying spaceship. Ben didn’t approve of it. But within two weeks of their acquaintance, he managed to accept the idea that somewhere in this small body there was a powerful engine, so eventually he decided not to pay much attention to her shenanigans. 

“What's with that bad dream?” Ben carefully tucked the blanket under Rey and lay down on his side of the bed. The bed was a single and normally Ben occupied it entirely, so, since there were two of them now, the space was sorely lacking. But there were no other options anyway. 

“I found myself in some kind of snow-covered forest.” Rey put her elbow under her head for comfort, and looked directly at her older friend. “There was blood, lots of it, and also master Luke's mechanical arm. And your voice. Then I was detained by a stormtrooper while snowy spruces turned into huge pink corals. I don't remember exactly what happened next but I definitely heard master Luke talking to my parents.” 

Well, _that_ was interesting. 

“What were they talking about?”

“I don't remember,” she confessed honestly. She really _wanted_ to recall what they were talking about but no matter how hard she tried, it was all in vain. As if someone muted that fragment.

Rey lowered her gaze and wrinkled her adorable button nose with concern.

“But that was just a dream, right?”

Ben didn't know what to say. He was a pro in dealing with nightmares, but what did they _mean_? He wished he knew. 

However, he didn't want to upset an already frightened child.

“Of course, sunshine. That was just a dream.” 

Ben tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear and began to rub her back in soothing circles. “Go back to sleep.”

Someone else's warmth along with a soft soothing voice made her feel safe at last. 

“Good night, Ben,” the last thing she managed to say before returning into Morpheus' arms.

“Good night.”

The awakening was... unusual. Ben, still half-asleep, raised himself on his elbows trying to understand what was happening. His chest hurt as if someone had punched him straight in his lungs. But the weirdest part was that his whole midsection, from his collarbone to his waist, was bandaged. Right _over_ his clothes.

“Rey..?”

Ben, not without an effort, got up off the bed and, not finding the girl in the room, headed for the ‘fresher. His stomach ached, his chest was burning, and the bandage was squeezing his rib cage.

_What had she done again?_

Literally tearing this doshin' bandage off and pulling the night shirt off his body, Ben appeared in front of the mirror. To say that he was shocked by what he saw would be a great understatement. A huge pink bruise had stretched all over his torso, the edges of it had already begun to turn yellow. 

Meanwhile, the front door had slammed and Ben could hear someone's hurried footsteps.

“Ben?”

_Well, that's it. She's dead._

He literally flew out of the ‘fresher. Anger was boiling in his veins. He knew he wouldn't hurt her but it was definitely time to teach her a lesson. He let her stay over, helped her fall asleep, slept on the edge of the bed himself so that she would have enough space, and that's how she paid him back?

But as soon as he saw his little friend, his anger began to evaporate rapidly, giving way to sincere concern.

Rey was standing by his bed with another batch of bandages in her hands. Her upper lip was split open and her cheek had exactly the same pink bruise he had seen in the mirror a few seconds ago.

Whatever she did, she was hurt, too.

“Just tell me what happened.”

“I fell off the chair,” little one looked down guiltily.

“And?”

“And the chair fell down on you.”

Ben rolled his eyes and began to rub the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.

“Why did you even climb on it?”

“I was waiting for you to wake up. I was bored, so I started to rock on that stupid chair,” Rey bit the inside of her cheek nervously. “And then it fell.”

There was a pause.

Exhaling, Ben moved towards the closet to finally get dressed. But as he bent down to tie the belt of his tunic, his diaphragm was pierced with searing pain.

He grimaced. 

“You need to visit medbay.” Rey's voice was trembling like a stretched string. She was about to cry. “I'm sorry.”

The memories of that sudden change of mood at the mention of her roommates were still fresh in Ben's memory. He didn't want this to happen again. He didn't want to see her crying.

“It's okay. Really.” He smiled as plausible as he was able to, although the pain was still there.

 _Yeah, medbay sounds good_ , he mused. He was still standing in the middle of the room in his daytime tunic and night pants.

Ah, screw it.

“Come on,” Ben held his hand out to Rey making it clear he's not offended.

She squeezed his hand back without raising her eyes. The whole way to the medbay she was silent. 

It was only after med droids had examined their injuries and started to apply bacta bandages that Rey raised her head. 

“Are you really not mad at me?” She bit her lower lip again. So, she was still nervous.

“No. Not anymore.” Ben nudged her playfully.

“By the way, the bandage is meant to be applied directly on the wound and not over the clothes,” he chuckled. 

“Oh.”

Rey smiled sheepishly. Color had finally returned to her cheeks.

“Anyway, it's time for breakfast.”

Ben was about to head towards the exit when the snow-white droid blocked his way.

“According to my protocols, I am required to leave you in the medical bay for at least 24 standard hours,” it clicked, “your skin is damaged and your rib is slightly displaced.”

 _Wow._ He had definitely underestimated the damage. How did he _not_ wake up from such a hit?

“Nothing the bacta won't fix, right?” Ben asked the droid in deliberately loud tone.

“Absolutely right.”

Rey's shoulders relaxed visibly. 

And then it hit her, “Then I'll bring you the breakfast!”

And before the dark-haired padawan had time to protest, she flew out of the medbay.

Of course. She would _bring_ the breakfast... A five-year-old kid with two heavy trays. Looks like cleaning droids would have some work.

But, despite Ben's skepticism, Rey indeed brought the breakfast. However, there was only one tray in her hands. And the other...

“Uncle Luke?”

Luke Skywalker was only thirty-nine but for some reason he had already had barely noticeable gray strands in his wheaten locks. And oddly enough it didn't make him look older at all. On the contrary, this gray hair added some kind of wisdom, authority to his appearance. Every time Ben looked at those strands, they made him feel respect for the person who was wearing them.

“Rey told me everything.”

Familiar soft smile lit up his face. But something was a little different this time. There was... amusement?

“Yeah, rather funny story.” Ben glanced at smiling youngling. 

Luke chuckled quietly and put the tray on the bedside table. 

“Due to this... situation, you can skip the classes today, of course.”

He moved the tray closer to his nephew.

“And now it's time for you to have breakfast.”

“Thank you, Uncle Luke.”

The blond man nodded slightly. 

“Although, in order to avoid such incidents in the future, I recommend you to move the table and the chairs away from the bed.”

Luke headed towards the exit.

“Oh yes. And don't forget to ask the droid to deliver another bed to your room... in case Rey's having another bad dream.”

Ben could have sworn he saw the mischievous smile on Luke's face before he disappeared behind the door. 

He couldn't help smiling either.

“Will do.”

There was a quiet chewing sound from behind him. Ben turned around and noticed Rey who had been eating her usual morning cinnamon bun. 

“Bom apeti!” she mumbled with her mouth full.

His slightly crooked smile became even wider. This little glutton _would never_ learn how to eat properly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think about Rey's dream? Or was it a _dream_..? *grins secretly*
> 
> Also. Also! I must say THANK YOU SOOO MUCH!!! to my gorgeous beta [@closer-to-monkey](http://closer-to-monkey.tumblr.com)! This help is vital for me, really! (◕3◕)
> 
> As usual, kudos are awesome! But your reaction in comments is just _priceless_!


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